Memories of 9/11

Yesterday there were a lot of tributes and remembering of 9/11. I've been sorting through my memories since.

I do remember exactly how I found out and my reaction. The school secretary come to my room and told me that the first tower had been hit by a plane. They (the new media) wasn't sure if it was and accident or done deliberately at that point. Scary, but I had class to teach, then she came back a few minutes later with, "We are under attack the second tower has been hit by a plane. This is awful....."

The TV in the school library was turned on and teacher and classes began to gather there to watch and wonder. Replays of the planes hitting the buildings and live shots of people running and the chaos. Teachers were crying, apprehension filled the air and I just wanted to go back to my room shut the door and get back to teaching.

I couldn't do anything about what was happening, I was helpless and I wanted it get away from hearing about it. I gathered my students up and took them back with me. "Class we have to learn this was," my attitude. Nouns are more important than what is happening to our country. Not really I know, but I couldn't stand it --- I couldn't do anything --- I couldn't even watch.

That evening I attended a prayer meeting like many around the country to pray for the victims and their families, pray for the men and women who were searching for survivors and bodies, pray for safety for all of us, and pray that those responsible for this would be found and made to pay.

I remember --- and the feeling that is still with me is how helpless and defenseless I felt.

Wordless Wednesday -- Making a Face

Sometimes there are no words to explain why.

A New Ride

So I say to the husband, "I'm thinking I'd like a car a little bit bigger than the mustang, and one that is quieter than the convertable is."

So hubby says to me, "What did you have in mind? 'Cause I was thinking we should get a hybrid in a couple of years."

I say to the hubby, "I don't really want to wait two years, I was thinking maybe now because it really was not much fun to drive the 'tang all the way to Amarillo and back with Abigail and Heidi. I really got tire."

So hubby says to me, "Look at the hybrids on the internet."

And from there we decided that we liked the size of the Ford Fusion best. I went to the local dealer who didn't have a hybrid in his showroom, but did have a Fusion that I could drive. It fit --- the one they found in the area for me though was way more car than we were looking for. We didn't want the moon roof package, but that seemed to be the only Fusion Hybrid that Ford is making right now. We haggeled a little because haggeling just isn't in my blood --- I was able to make a deal I could live with and I now own a new car.

Well own might be a stretch, but I do have the papers saying that I will eventually own said car.

Taking Stock

This time last year I was wondering when I would start my tutoring job because the money from that job was going to be used for a family vacation. Beginning another year (all my years are counted in school years -- old habit, hard to break) with Robert with First Ag Credit and wondering if he would ever get the respect he so deserved. Wondering if Donna had made a wise decision about school and career. Planning trips and enjoy life.

Now I'm glad I don't have to wonder about tutoring. Robert's job or Donna's decision.

My decision not to tutor this year and be tied to a strict time schedule has me feeling like I own the world. I can do things as I want to do them. Of course I am on the sub list and will do that, but I don't plan to work more than two days a week or if I do then I'm free to skip a week.

Robert's job loss which seemed so devastating when it happened now seems more like a blessing. He is happier than I've seen him in a long, long time, almost since Texline days. Sure the uncertainty of steady employment haunts us, but we are fine financially and by being just a little more frugal and I do mean just a little we can live just as we always have without an unhappy husband who didn't even realize how unhappy he was.

Donna seems to be making things work. Working two part time jobs has caused her to lose some practice time with school, but she is able to pay her bills without my help or with very little help from me. There is the test in November for licensing then she'll have more decisions to make. Hopefully about where to take a job.

Other things in life feel good. I will always be on a diet needing to lose anywhere from 10 to 30 pounds depending on the day and my mood. My hair will grow and then be cut. I have lots of friends to cheer me on, my daughter is having me a grand baby. Yes, I'd say life is good.